We can’t make other people’s actions about us. They never will be. We can’t ever control what others do — only how we respond. And we have to remember this even when others hurt us. When people leave. Or betray us. When lie or cheat or steal. When they say they’ll call or text but never do. When the people we love break our hearts, when the people we simply care about don’t care enough back. – None of that is about us. The only thing we have at the end of the day is what we do with what happens. – Kris Gage

In the words of Marcus Aurelius,

“If it’s in your control, why do you do it? If it’s in someone’s control, then who are you blaming? Atoms? The gods? Stupid either way. Blame no one.”

When was the last time your circumstances have changed your responses in the worst possible way?

“How you respond to your external environment determines whether you are going to diffuse the bomb that is ticking or not.”

In your relationships (the one you have with your romantic partner, with your close friend, with your boss, with your colleague, with a family member), the arrow that points straight to how you respond to anything they say (that hurts you) is that you CHOOSE how you respond.

Do you want to get back at them for making you feel lousy?

He has hurt me. I am going to hurt him more.

She has made me angry. So, she deserves my wrath.

I feel blue. It is the fault of my colleague for making me feel this way.

I forbid you to have the last word in our conversation.

I am ignoring you when you are talking to me. Because everybody has ignored me the whole day.

I do not trust you. Because my trust has been broken in the past.

The things we do in the name of our circumstances are ludicrous. Following this pattern is not doing us a favor. You get controlled by others. You react to the situation that is in front of you and you say it is not your fault that you are that way.

Don’t let your circumstances define you.

Learn to take control. You are the only who can do that. Your external circumstances might be favorable to you or not, but you always have the choice of responding to them. That works well for you.

“The secret of maturity is not looking for new lands, but in looking at existing land with new eyes.”

Your response becomes powerful when you don’t let your friend rattle you into anger. It becomes powerful when you separate the view of your boss from yours.

It becomes powerful when you realize that you are the only one in control of your mindset – not others.

You can choose to see yourself as somebody who is going to beat the odds.

Or, you can see yourself as somebody who is too broken beyond repair.

And this needs practice. Just like we all learned how to walk by taking risks – big risks – we get good at responding in our favor through continuous practice.

The greatest gift you can give yourself is your own mindset back to you. Let it not be controlled by others.

A person who gets angry because someone has insulted him, a person who obsesses how to insult better, a person who gets too emotional because his boss did not look at him, a person whose body starts trembling with anger or fury because someone is talking to him and he does not like what he is hearing, has turned himself/herself into a slave.

Always be strong enough to walk from that which isn’t best for you.

That includes letting the external environment controlling your responses.

Remember…

We don’t have the power to change anyone else. We can only change ourselves.

Do you know what it feels like when others continue dictating your responses?

It makes you suffer. You don’t like what you are feeling. You are angry at yourself for the way you are feeling. This is an endless cycle where you continue to suffer.

Why do you continue to do that when you could choose the option that makes you suffer the least?

Learn to control your responses.

Negativity keeps us stuck.

It encourages us to blame the external environment which is out of our control.

Seeing others positively reveals our positive traits. Seeing others negatively reveals our negative traits.

Discard anything that comes from your ego.

How dare he ignores me? How dare she makes me angry? Why is he not listening to me? How can I pay him back with more angry words? Who is he to make me hurt this way?

You are the boss of your life. Choose to be humble in your relation to others. Humility is the opposite of weakness. It allows you to admit that you don’t have all the answers.

Related:

We Always Choose Our Reaction

This Is How You Change

Best Tip Ever: You Can Only Change YOURSELF!

Circumstances Make The Man

To your inspirations

Banchi