Let me make this abundantly clear:

We choose our reactions, in every moment of our lives. Some of those reactions are helping us to become a better version of ourselves. And some of them turn us into the worst version of ourselves.

I’m also guilty of what I’m about to say.

We blame the outside world – for our reactions.

It isn’t my fault but my colleague who made me angry. It is entirely his fault that I am feeling like exploding. It isn’t my fault that the stranger on the train has destroyed my good mood. Because he was shouting the whole time on the phone. It isn’t my fault that my spouse is making me feel that I have less value than the phone he can’ seem to put down.

Like I said: we blame external things. For our reactions.

We don’t want to take the blame. So, we blame others, instead.

Deep down, we know we are responsible for our reactions.

But, we ignore this responsibility –that feels like a burden. And keep on blaming others.

I should have blamed myself for my anger. But I ignore it. Because I did not want to face the truth.

That,

“I am the only one who is responsible for my reaction.”

Lesson on Self-Control:

I have learned that the pattern of blaming others for your reaction goes like this:

· Someone says something that you do not like hearing.

· You are hurt and angry.

·The more you keep feeling this anger, the more you are getting angrier.

· And the more you remember the last 20 fights you had with this person.

·Your feelings become out of proportion.

·You don’t even try to figure out why you are feeling this way. You just blame the cause – which you assume is the other person.

·You neglect your awareness. You just feed your anger and hurt – by feeling more anger and resentment towards the other person.

·You make your issue and the other person the same. Which they are not.

·You don’t even realize what you are fighting about. You are just reacting. And reacting more.

This is my favorite quote on being in control of oneself and I carry it with me always:

“How you react emotionally is a choice in any situation.” – Judith Orloff

We always choose our reaction.

You and I get into a fight.

I become angry because I allow my emotion to take hold of me.

Because I expect you to make my reaction favorable to me.

This expectation – relying on someone else – to make me feel good, is making me powerless.

What do I need to work on?

Our communication, our arguments, our fights, or on me?

You do something that makes me angry. That makes me have a detrimental reaction to my health.

Where does this unfavorable reaction come from?

Is it what you said to me, is this your behavior or my reaction?

Who do I need to work on, the outside world, or me?

Where is the source of the problem?

Hint: It is in me. It is in us.

We always choose our reaction.

To your inspirations,

Banchi