Let us stop objectifying men based on their finances.

She told me something horrid.

One of my colleagues had been seeing this guy for over a year. When I asked about their relationship, her answer wiped every trace of smile from my face.

Me: “How is your relationship?”

Her: “I broke up with him.”

Me: “What? You told me you have found a kind and considerate man. What happened?”

I expected to hear he cheated on her or he did not put effort in their relationship. You know. The usual sound reasons that creates a rift among couples. 

Nope. 

Her: “I want someone who has a thick bank account.”

After her bombshell, I remained quiet. I had nothing to say, or something nice to say. 

Her ex is a gentleman. He’s there for others, not just for her. He’s someone who listens to her for hours. He is not just interested in dating her. He is interested in her. When they come home from the groceries, he insists on grabbing every single one of their bags. He follows on what he says he will do and shows up when he says he will. 

She could love this man forever.

And yet.

She walked out of her man’s life because he doesn’t have a thick bank account. 

We have to talk about this double standard.

Men are objectified based on their finances.

Yes, I am a woman and I came to this conclusion. I hate having to admit it. I have always vouched for women and women’s rights and equality movements. But recently I realized women need to talk about the double standard. 

When men objectify me, I despise it. 

When male colleagues told me my good looks increased my salary, I had marched in a boss’s office demanding an explanation. I didn’t want men to objectify me with my looks or the color of my skin. When HR promoted me because they gave preferential treatment to a black woman, I asked them to look at my merits, not my gender or race. I avoided former female colleagues like the plague when they used their stunning looks to get a promotion.

Women have always been objectified by men.

But some women are guilty of the same. 

The matter of objectification is different. 

Some women objectify men based on their finances. They’re willing – no, eager to ditch men saying, “He is not rich enough.” I once worked with a female colleague who never once opened her purse to pay. For three years I worked with her, male colleagues always paid for her coffee or lunches.

She treated men like her personal ATM. 

I am sure that is not the case for all. But I see it often. This double standard is hardly ever criticized. That terrifies me. In the same way we criticize and demand all men must stop treating women as sex objects, we need to urge women to stop treating men as ATMs. 

Objectifying men based on their thick pockets is unfair. 

It’s unfair when we label men as “catchable” based on their thick bank accounts. It’s unfair when we measure love based on men’s financial status. It’s unfair when we stop loving men when they cannot provide financial stability for us. It’s unfair when we ask men to not label women based on our looks but we do the same with them based on their finances. 

That’s a double standard.

When women expect men to pay for everything, it perpetuates the double standard. Oh, yes, we urge men to not label us with our looks or as sex objects. But we do the same. Just differently. We label men as pockets we can insert our hands into and take money from any time we want to. 

I know women who call themselves feminists. They spend most of their time defending women and their rights. These women also wait for a man to pay for their dinner. Once, one of those women had snatched my arm back when I tried to pay for a business dinner. 

We want men to treat us as their equal partners. And yet, we expect men to pay for our drinks or dinner all the time as if it is their prerogative.

That’s unfair.

The problem with objectifying men based on their finances:

Men become objects.

When a woman is busy looking at what a man has or what she can get from him, she puts a blindfold on her eyes. 

She cannot see the nice guy. 

The one with great friends he’s known for years. The one who makes an effort to do the right thing, even when no one will know. The one who tells her how he feels and calls when he says he will. The one who is compassionate. The one who knows what he wants and comes through for her. 

The one who listens attentively. The one who puts in the work. The one who sticks together through storms and choppy waters. The one who respects her other relationships that matter to her. The one who shows her his scars. The one who cries in front of her. The one who dries her tears when she curls like a fetus. 

A woman may share a home with this man. But she does not see him when she’s obsessed with his bank account.

The solution is simple. 

Stop treating men as ATMs.

Men should pay for women because they want to – not because we expect them to. 

When women expect men to pay for everything, it perpetuates the double standard. Oh, yes, we urge men to not label us with our looks or as sex objects. But we do the same. Just differently. We label men as pockets we can insert our hands into and take money from any time we want to. If you are a woman who expects men to pay for everything, that’s not okay. Talk about this double standard with your friends and family. When you go out on your night out or have lunch with your male colleagues, insist to pay. Not just because you can, but because it is wrong to treat men as ATMs. 

Treating men as if it is their obligation or prerogative to pay for everything a woman wants dishonors them. 

We have to stop doing that.