Look at yourself objectively

We tend to look at ourselves subjectively.

On the one hand, this seems like you are not supposed to care – about yourself. But on the other hand, we can see clearly what we are feeling and what we are doing if we look at ourselves objectively.

Take my writing for example. It helps me see myself objectively. I see what I am thinking and feeling. Yes, this outlet helps me see myself both in the good times and the bad times.

Especially the bad times.

I don’t want to judge myself when I am angry. I don’t want just to steam in anger and wonder what I can do about it. I know what I can do. I write about what I am feeling. I rant. I shout. I cry. I sob. In my writings.

And that makes me heal.

For me, writing is the best way I can master my emotions especially the destructive ones like anger and irritation. Because I can reflect on my thoughts and feelings. Because I can see them right out there.

Read an article I wrote this week on ‘Writing Is A Beautiful Outlet For Your Emotions’

Find something that will work for you. Find a way where you can look at yourself objectively.

If you have no ideas how here is one helpful suggestion:

· When you feel like you are out of control, stop. Just stop doing whatever you are doing and ask yourself:

“Would you do this(whatever you are doing like sending tantrums, shouting, fighting literally, insulting the other person or you are not saying anything but you are breathing hard and you are fuming inside) to your child or the person you love the most?”

Asking the question will let you reflect on what you are doing (willingly) –to yourself.

And you would wonder why the hell you are doing this to yourself.

In the words of Marcus Aurelius:

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but rather your estimate of it – and that you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Choose to look at yourself objectively.

That way you will start treating your feelings and emotions not as something to be either ignored or held onto, but as temporary guests to be treated with kindness and respect.

Here is a beautiful poem by Sufi Poet Rumi called ‘The Guest House’:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Related Link: Self-Awareness Is The Secret Sauce To Controlling Your Anger!

To your inspirations,

Banchi