If the person I am talking to in a conversation decides that he is the only one who needs to talk, if he leaves me no space for my part in the conversation, I know exactly what I would wish to do.

I’d want that person to say what is on his mind without interruption.

I’d want that person to speak freely.

I’d want that person to feel valued.

Instead of having shouting matches, I’d create an environment where I actively listen to the other person.

If I do this, it stands to reason that I would be given the same privilege.

We cannot go through conversations wishing the other person would stop talking because then our intention has become fallible.

We cannot go through conversations while wishing to come out winners of every conversation because then we would not learn a single thing.

We cannot go through conversations without expecting disagreements because human being’s opinions are as different as the stars on the sky.

Here are two of my favorite quotes about the importance and unavoidability of disagreements in communications:

“I vehemently disagree with what you say, Sir – but I would fight, if necessary risking my life for your right to say it.” A philosopher

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.” Mahatma Ghandi

Conversations can get better.

Listening is the best recipe I know for effective communication.

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” Dr. Richard Alpert

Here are my Recipes for Effective Communications:

1. Realize that you cannot learn a single thing if you keep on talking. You will learn a new thing every time you listen.
2. Practice being in the present. Everything you express in your body language says more about your involvement in a conversation than anything else.
3. Realize that your intention matters. Why you are listening is much more important than what you are listening to.
4. Remember that by actively listening to the other person, you do not lose yourself. Just as you have your own opinion, the other person has his.
5. You can disagree and still be friends with someone. You can see how mature you are by not taking everything personally.

Related: Additional material on active listening

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To your inspirations,

Banchi