“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” – Henry Ford

Be willing to learn from others – if you want to develop your communication skills.

Emerson said,

“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn from him.”

Nobody has a monopoly on knowledge. You may be the smartest person in the world. But chances are, someone right next to you, a friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger, has something valuable to teach you.

They may be “better” than you in this particular field. But rest assured, they are not better than you in everything.

Do not always talk about what you want.

We talk about what we want – always.

That does not help you in improving your communication skills.

“The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.” – Dale Carnegie (From the book ‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’)

For the development of your communication skills: Learn to see the other person’s view.

I love it when my eyes are opened in a way that makes me realize I have been wrong.

When you stop believing that your point of view is the only opinion that matters, you start realizing that others have their own point of view as well. That is how you improve your communication skills.

Trying to see the other person’s view feels less like “you are wrong” and more like looking at a wall and being turned towards a window with a beautiful view. You see something you’ve not seen before.

Banish indifference to get better at your communication skills.

We have stopped being truly interested in others. Not caring enough, being indifferent, staying in our heads, and escaping in our minds – when we are talking with others is essentially killing our communication.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie

Don’t use sarcasm or passive-aggressiveness as a way of communication.

Ever end up frustrated after a conversation with someone because you didn’t feel like you communicated as well as you would have liked? Ever walk away from a conversation asking yourself what just happened?

When an assertive person receives feedback from others, he is able to listen and accept what the other person has to say, even if he doesn’t agree.

Many people have a hard time receiving feedback, even it is a positive thing.

How many times has someone paid you a compliment and you simply dismiss it, or minimize it rather than hearing it and simply saying ‘thanks’!?

We don’t like to hear negative feedback, but an assertive person does not react to criticism by counter-attacking, denying, or feeling anxious or inadequate.

An assertive person makes conscious choices about how to respond to the criticism.

We have to learn how to communicate clearly. We must avoid irony, cutting remarks, and being passive-aggressive. We should not take these forms of communication as being intelligent – because they are not.

I would rather know exactly what a person is saying to me directly rather than expend energy trying to figure out what he/she really means.

Listen.

To be a better listener – be totally absorbed in the person talking to you. Listen for intention when the person talks. Listen to what he is saying. Listen to what he is not saying. Listen for total meaning.

While listening –be present in the mind. Be present in the mind

Listen like a person about to learn some invaluable secret.

Don’t try to win every argument.

“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” – Benjamin Franklin.

We think we are winning when we try to come out a winner in every argument that we make.

Winning an argument – especially with someone you love – is really short-sighted.

You may have won – but at what cost?

In my article ‘Arguing With Others is ‘Boring’ – I have written how ridiculous this pattern of arguing with others is.

“The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach, and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.” – Dale Carnegie

Practice being pro-active – than being reactive.

Truth be told, you have everything to lose by just acting and reacting.

Let yourself pause.

Let yourself breathe before you shift into full gear.

The happiest folks are those who stop and think before they act.

To your inspirations,

Banchi