#3. Open your heart — like children — until you hear it crack

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable.”
— C.S. Lewis

After I met a man who is now my partner, I made him feel alone, depressed, unimportant and rejected. I made him wonder if I even loved him for the first year of our relationship. He did all the relationship work. He did all the calling, texting, and planning. Conversations about my feelings and emotional experiences terrified me.

When we weren’t spending time together, he heard from me rarely. I took days to reply to messages or ignored some messages entirely, especially meaningful ones. I avoided intimacy by filling quiet times with distractions.

He provided commentary on what he was doing: “Call me when you get there and don’t forget to tell me about your article today” is how he showed his love. And I showed my love by being silent. By not opening up. By not participating.

Our relationship was a silent battle where he waited for me to open up and I did everything in my power to protect my heart from future hurts.

Read the full story …

To your inspiration,

Banchi