July 12, 2018 by Banchi

Personal Story

Few months ago, I was in complete turmoil. I was in a relationship for almost three years. This relationship I had with my boyfriend was everything to me.

You know the feeling you get when you have everything that you wish you have, a job that you love, a person that you love and a family that you have. I had all that and I was very content. But all of a sudden, everything was not as it appeared. For reasons I am not going to disclose here, I lost my boyfriend or rather I should say he lost me. He was no longer my life partner.

When this bombshell happened, it was not a gradual happening. It happened suddenly and irrevocably. What would you do when the person you trust the most no longer needs you? What would you do when the person you love is not worthy of your love after all? What would you do when the one person you have been fighting for does not fight back for you in return?

I am not writing today to tell you this sad story. Rather, I want to tell you how I have forgiven him and how I am now such a free person.

At first, it has taken me a lot of time to accept the fact that it has even happened to me. Many months have gone by through denial stage.

While processing all these emotional baggage, I have not told a single person what has happened. And this is strange, because I tell everything to my mom.

At the time, I don’t know why I have not shared my pain with those I am close to. May be I wanted to protect them from the pain, or maybe I wanted him to change his mind in time or maybe I was just deluding myself.

It was while I was carrying on all these negative emotions, that I came across a book by Johann Christoph Arnold entitled “Why Forgive?”. I remember reading the entire book in one setting. The stories told in the book are excruciatingly painful and helps one to look at life with a different heart.

The pain is still there, but there are by far worse situations in this world.

I am an extremely positive person, so anyone looking at me might not see and will not see the hurt I was carrying inside.

Anyways, after reading the book I came to a conclusion that I need to find ways to let go of my anger and hurt.

The book made me acknowledge my own need of forgiveness. It is only when I forgive that I liberate myself as much as I liberate the other person. So I found ways to process my emotion. I examined myself. I asked myself why I was so much hurt. Could I have changed anything? Could I have done anything differently? Through such questions, I realized that I cannot change the one who has wronged me, but I can change myself. And I did.

I prayed earnestly all the time. After I have processed everything in me, I gave myself some time to heal. Eventually I talked to my mom. I told her everything. I even told few close friends my story. Finally, I was able to talk to the person who has hurt me face to face.

Because I have taken time to heal myself, it was not difficult to talk to him and to tell him how I feel. I have expected an apology, but I did not get one. But that does not matter, I have done my part. I have forgiven. Hurt and resentment no longer occupy my mental and emotional space. That is why I feel lighter inside.

By choosing to forgive, it doesn’t mean that I approve the bad behavior, rather it means I have let go and my story is no longer a distressing story. It has become just a story.

Being human, I will stumble again. I will continue through this healing process. In fact, I will not rest until I can include a few laughs at my own expense. It is through this journey that I will grow and be inspirational to others.

Read my article on: Key Inspirational Benefits of Forgiveness