8 qualities.

Study after study has confirmed that while women choose better looking guys for flings, they fall for other qualities for long-term relationships.

I spil5led a full drink on my boyfriend when we first met, in a global company meeting. He had put on a lot of care into how he dressed. It was not just the clothes but the flair: the way he cuffed his pants, the strategic position of the collar.

My body sweated with mortification. I expected he’d be uncomfortable. But the way he laughed and shook himself out, generous and easy, attracted me.

After we started dating, I told him about my cheating ex – boyfriend. I mentioned that the saddest I ever felt was alone in a supermarket parking lot with a cart full of food, wondering how I missed all the red flags.

He listened for hours. He was not just interested in dating me. He was interested in me.

We’ve been together three years. When we come home from the grocery store, he insists on carrying bags. I insist I’m far from helpless. I tell him I’m happy to carry one or two, but stubborn that he is, he insists on grabbing every single one.

Such a gentleman.

I gape at him in awe when he’s there for others, not just for me. He has friends he’s known since he was a kid. But also new friends he’s met through me. He’s close to my family and his.

He has this ancient watch his grandfather gave him. It was important for him to get it in working condition, even though nobody needs a watch to know what time it is.

I can love this guy forever.

Women find the most attractive in men qualities that stand time, not their physical attractiveness.

Here’re a few:

Men who are attentive listeners

This is a deal breaker for me. If my partner does not listen, I find it unattractive.

Women marvel when men listen as they talk about their day. We love it when men ask questions, not to guide us somewhere but to better understand.

We want to be with someone who grants us the greatest gift of all: the gift of feeling understood.

Men who do the right thing

In our first dinner date with my boyfriend’s work friends, he defended my writing. Even though at the time my blog did not earn a single $, he stood by me.

He did the right thing, defending his partner, even though his friends might have laughed behind his back.

When you type the list of attractive men on Google, your eyes get tired from reading the list of hot Hollywood actors. What about the guys who put nothing on their calender without talking to their partner first?

They deserve the top list.

The guy who does the right thing, even though no one witnesses his action, deserves a space on the top list.

The one who tells you how he feels and calls when he says he will

On our first date night, my boyfriend called me a few minutes after I reached home. I found it refreshing that he was above playing games.

Guys who communicate, avoid irony, cutting remarks, and being passive aggressive are attractive. I have nothing against sarcasm, but it’s unfortunate that it’s so often mistaken for intelligence.

When a guy experiences difficulty using words, I don’t mean a lack of eloquence, but a tendency to sulk, pout, brood, frown, and scowl, women hate it.

We hate it when guys do not tell us how they really feel.

We want to marvel when a guy tells us how he feels instead of expending energy trying to figure out what he really means.

Men who are dependable and come through for their women

Since our first date night, my boyfriend follows on what he says he will do and shows up when he says he will. It’s not just that he’s reliable. It’s that he’s steady. He has seen me at my worst and he’s still with me.

Women find men who we can depend on attractive. This is not to mean women “need” men.

We don’t.

Women must never need men, even though they are wonderful. That’s codependency. It’s unhealthy.

But ask any woman what she wants if tragedy strikes her life. If she becomes sick or loses a loved one, she wants her partner to swim with her underwater.

She wants a solid guy who comes through for her, no matter what.

Men who exhibit courage

Things that scare all of us terrify men too.

When a guy bares his soul to women and even his guy friends, his action demands courage on his part.

This is attractive. Both the terror and the courage it requires men to speak up. To follow their curiosity and hunger for connection, to win over their fear. To stand up for something. To take a side.

These guys do something not because it’s easy. They often wish to stay silent, be indifferent.

But they can’t.

Getting to know these guys is worth defying our own trepidation.

The most atttractive men are courageous.

Men who have boundaries and respect womens’ boundaries

One of my co-workers has a gorgeous boyfriend. When he visits her at her workplace, we all gape at him, slack-jawed. He’s elegant, tall, and has high cheekbones.

This seemingly flawless guy has a flaw.

He calls her every hour, every day. I want to be with you all the time, twenty-four hours a day.

Men who have no boundaries are unattractive. I don’t know how she stays in the relationship. I would want to run away from him.

Men who do not respect women’s boundaries are also unattractive. Women need not explain why they say no.

Men who are like open books

I like open books. Mystery, intrigue, and obscurity are overrated. I find it unattractive when secrets surround a guy’s life.

TV shows delude us into thinking mystery men are attractive. But in reality, we want an open book. Someone who flips the pages of his life and shows its contents.

Men who have a knack for changing someone’s mind

Guys who erupt in anger or tantrum when women disagree with them are unattractive.

Women find men attractive when they subtly change their mind. This feels less like “you’re wrong” and more like looking at a wall and being turned towards a window with a beautiful view. “Look, see? See how true it is if you look at it this way instead?”

We want to build a life with this man.

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Since the beginning of time, men have pondered the answer to this not-so-simple question, what do women want?

Men’s six pack is not the answer.

Women find men attractive when they: Listen. Do the right thing. Tell women how they feel. Are dependable. Exhibit courage. Respect boundaries. Are an open book. Have a knack for changing someone’s mind.

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To your inspiration,

Banchi