A memory told completely in poetic verse.

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Powerlessness

your voice

silenced,

wrecked

gutted

hunched body

numb body

utter absence of any feeling

creeps up your spine

like an army of spiders.

A white workspace

under

a spotlight,

everybody

breathing

down your neck,

suffocating,

people sitting

on a chair

formulating

a circle

around your workplace

looking at your face

your dark skin

entranced

as if

frozen in copra hypnosis,

the gazes

the whispers

the ‘imposter syndrome’ feeling

slices

your dark skin off,

tiptoeing around

walking on eggshells,

others

working toward the sunlight

progressing

you

walking with shackles

around your feet,

chilly atmosphere

awkwardness

like a fog looming over an entire city,

raising your hand

with pain in your throat

breathing slowly

trying

to speak your mind

with a mild tone

without anger

without rage

even then

‘you’re so angry’

not just angry

but also

overreacting

hypersensitive

rude

and aggressive,

you

doubt

your own experience

your own feelings.

White beauty standards

appropriating

tailoring

deciding

who

and what

is beautiful,

if

you ditch

these standards

sneering

mocking

insulting

every black woman,

each insult

is like

a black hole

opening up beneath you

and falling right through,

each sneering

comes with

another falling sensation.

Your head bows

moaning aloud,

the color of your skin

the texture of your hair

your ethnicity

shoved

into a box.

A broken black woman

curling on the bed

fetal position

like you’ve been walking

in the desert

for weeks

and weeks

your body

could sleep

for years.

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