Eight important qualities.

---

Her husband made all decisions in their company, not her. She needed him for every tiny detail. She spoke only inside her head, nodding to herself. She had no female friends. She showed little emotion beyond biting, cold indifference – unless pushed. Then, sometimes…came violent rage. She treated all her employees, both men, and women, like crap. Like we were beneath her.

This woman was the CEO of a multinational company I once worked for.

I was 25 when she barked orders from her leather sofa every day. She drove luxurious cars. International certificates surrounded every wall of her lavish office. She waltzed in wearing popular handbag brands and red high-heeled shoes that I would die to wear.

But her expensive lifestyle did not make me like her. Like most of my colleagues, I could not even stand a 5-minute conversation without running away from her. She held terrible qualities in a woman I never wanted to hold. I didn’t want to be like her.

Genuine qualities in a woman are not found in a person to whom she is married to. Material possessions are external things. They’re not qualities. Any position she holds in her workplace does not equate with a woman’s goodness. These are not things that make any woman genuinely good.

It’s who she is that matters.

---

Here’re 8 important qualities every woman must learn in life:

You’re not half of anything

You’re created whole.

Most women define themselves and estimate their own worth in function of the role they play –how “helpful” they are, how “useful” they are, how their significant other “can’t live without” whatever they do for him.

My old boss was a perfect example.

She couldn’t decide on anything without consulting her husband. She asked for his input even though a particular decision did not affect him but had a tremendous impact on her. She acted as an incomplete person.

Every woman must learn to be a complete individual. Because she is.

You must never abandon your interests, hobbies, friends, or your job. You must not even leave your thoughts unexplored. You need to have a complete life without your partner.

Before I learned to find my voice, I was the shyest woman in any room. I remained silent not because I didn’t have an opinion. I had one. I had thoughts, feelings, and something to say. And yet, I remained mute in global gatherings and team meetings. My voice wavered, “um. I’m sorry but…” I hesitated, “Should I say it or not?” I used needless words, “I mean, like well, I think that…”

I was terrified to speak up.

Find your voice

Every woman needs to find her voice. I’ve practiced again and again until I could speak in any social event. So can you. Learn to raise your hand and speak up. You can stop speaking only inside your head. Because you know. You know the answer but no one else can hear.

You don’t need anything other than you

We don’t need a man. We have ourselves. I’m not saying men aren’t wonderful (because they are!) or that they are not worth your time (yes, they are!) What I’m saying is that no one is worth giving up you.

Needing a man has cost me 4 years. I was in my 20s and I needed this guy like the air I breathed. A sense of dread filled those empty years when I waited for him to do anything.

I didn’t realize I had everything I needed in myself. Like every woman has what she needs in herself. For anything you want, you have yourself to achieve it. Whether you’re pursuing your hobbies or want to travel, you can do these things on your own. You don’t need anyone’s permission to get them.

Value the friendship of another woman

My old boss had zero female friends. I doubt the men she surrounded herself with were her friends. They hang out with her because of the luxury she projected.

You can’t be friends with someone without giving and receiving. Without being vulnerable. Without showing who you really are from the inside.

Women need to value the friendship of another woman. I’ve four close friends, two of whom live far away. When either of us feels despair – or has something to say – we reach out. We talk. Nobody understands as my friends understand. For the duration of that conversation, everything falls away. Everything.

We’re friends. We have and have always had a connection.

That’s what matters. A friendship of a woman. It’s invaluable.

You’re more powerful than you think

Don’t give that power away. It belongs to you.

My father had told me he had the fix I needed. Old boyfriends had told me they would save me. An arrogant boss had told me he would give me his throne for a price.

All of them had one thing in common. They acted like they were more powerful than me.

They’re not.

Every woman is more powerful than she thinks. You don’t need your partner to figure out who you are or where you want to go in life. You can figure it out on your own.

No one on earth is powerful enough to give you the answers to your pressing life questions. And if a guy does and tells you things that sound like answers, they will lead you down the wrong path. Not because guys have ill intent, but because they are not you.

You’re on your own. If “on your own” sounds sad or terrifying to you, one day, it won’t be. You’ll soon realize your life is in the best hands.

And that’s the most powerful tool you possess.

Be vulnerable

The first time I was given a higher position to lead a training team of 20 people, I sucked all my emotions in. I marched through my work stoically, my heart neatly sealed, safe from the joys and sorrows of life.

When my idea was dismissed, I locked my heart. When some female colleagues hated me, I pretended all was right with the world.

I remained in emotional solitary confinement for an entire year.

Until one day I cried on my mom’s shoulder. I told her everything I was feeling. The feeling of being vulnerable felt like a host of sinister bats leaving a subterranean cave at night. My mom kissed my tears away, the light filtering in where the mere concept of luminescence was hidden for a year.

I felt free. Open-hearted. Present.

Pulsingly alive.

Every woman needs to be vulnerable. I feel your fear. Allowing others to see you cry is choosing to be vulnerable in a world that tells us to toughen up, to be invulnerable. Allowing others to see you cry is letting go of control and self-image in a world you perceive as controlling and image-obsessed.

Allowing others to see your vulnerability feels…unsafe.

Still.

Stay open, to feel those terrifying emotions, to remain vulnerable – even if that means getting hurt.

We can be brave. We can admit to the fear, sadness, and pain we all feel. And we can be there for each other without judgment.

Don’t settle

Every woman needs to hear this. We find ourselves in a certain situation and convince ourselves this is what it has to be. My relationship is terrible. Or it is not going forward or improving. I don’t like my job. My business is failing.

This is life. I can’t change this.

We repeat this to ourselves again and again, standing in our own way.

My friends, never believe in mediocrity, low-grade despair or this is what you have to live with.

Things can always get better – even when they are good.

Identify what you should not have to be ok with, and devise small steps to move forward. Do something that inches you closer to your goal every day.

Make yourself better each day

If I’m not improving myself, I’ll not be proud of who I am. So I work on myself. I read and develop my skills. I work to better my relationships.

Every woman must make herself better each day.

Do lots of things that help you become a better woman. Find that book you thought might be difficult for you to read and crack it open. Tackle page one. Go against something who loves you wants for you but that you don’t want for yourself. Disappoint the person you least want to disappoint in the name of honoring who you are.

You make yourself better when you honor who you are.

---

Big takeaways:

Every woman must learn these 8 important qualities in her life. You’re not half of anything. Speak up. You don’t need anything other than you. Women are your tribe. Be friends with them. You’re more powerful than you think. Bare your beating, blood-red heart of yours. Don’t settle. Make yourself better each day.

---