Let us say that you want to buy a ready-made new dress for yourself.

What do you do?

You go to a shop that sells ready-made dresses. You select the one that you want, the one that fits your body and the one that you like. And that is it. Your work is done. It is easy to buy something that you want from a shop.

Now, let me ask you a question:

Are you trying to purchase your happiness from an external source like you did for your dress?

Ask yourself:

·Are you expecting your romantic partner to be responsible for your happiness?

·Are you relying on your parents to make you happy?

·Are you looking for happiness from one of those self-help books you are reading?

· Are you expecting to be happy after the end of that ‘Happiness seminar’?

·How do you feel when you are alone by yourself? Do you crave the company of others? Do you not enjoy your own company?

·Are you happy when you are at work but lacks the feeling when you leave your work?

·Are you happy when you are doing some sort of task like doing the dishes or answering emails or planning your day or watching the TV but you lack the feeling the moment you are finished with the task?

If ‘Yes’ is your answer to the above questions, then you are expecting the impossible, you are expecting happiness to be ready-made.

It is not.

You cannot buy happiness from an external source.

Leo Babauta of Zen Habits says (bold emphasis: mine):

“We look for happiness from others, but this is an unreliable source of happiness —-. And here’s the thing: it’s not their job to fill our emotional needs.”

Dalai Lama, the Buddhist Monk said the same thing in different words:

“Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions.”

So, our happiness depends not on what we have or what happens to us, but what happens in us.

It is our attitude that we choose to make on every moment of our lives that makes us happy –not any external source.

It is not the education we have, or the money we have in our bank account, or the relationship we have, or the job we are doing, or the country we are living that make us happy.

It is not even the incredible unique skills we have, or the talents we have, or our intelligence that make us happy constantly.

It is us (our thoughts) who are fully responsible for our own happiness.

It takes tremendous strength to produce a sunny outlook and optimism. We have to train our minds again and again. It takes discipline and practice to think positively.

But we can do it. It is worth it.

Sometimes we just have to remember that we are alive on this day. Sometimes we have to remember all that we have in our surroundings. Sometimes we have to change our perspective from seeing what has happened to see the silver lining, the half-full glass. At other times, we have to be thankful even for the pain we have endured because without it, we would not have known how strong we really are.

We appreciate the light of the day because we have seen what darkness looks like at night.

Stop looking for happiness that resides within you – elsewhere.

Would you find water in the Sahara Dessert even if you look for it all your life?

No.

It is not there.

That is exactly what you are doing if you are looking for happiness in an external source.

It is not there.

Here is what Darius Foroux said about being our own person and self-reliable have tremendous advantages on any kind of relationships that we have:

“The moment we lose ourselves and our identity, we can no longer be the person we want to be. When you’re needy, you only damage your relationships in the long-term.”

So, do not look for the solution outside when you, yourself are the solution.

“If you are bored, fix it. If you are lonely or hurt, comfort yourself. If you are jealous, don’t hope that someone will reassure you … reassure yourself.” — Leo Babauta

Check out my article on ‘You are the Engine of Your Own Happiness!’

To Your inspirations,

Banchi