You’re left behind. On the way to our boss’s office, my friend, Haddish, asked, Do you think we will get a promotion this year, Olou? I hope so, I answered. In the law firm we worked, we were the only two black women. We were lawyers who wanted to one day get a seat in a …
13 Embarrassing and Demeaning Statements Not To Say to Black Women
And why you shouldn’t say them. 1. “Are you sure you’re black?” My friend was working with a white colleague on a project. She had just come up with a brilliant idea for a problem they have been trying to solve for weeks. Even though this guy could see that my friend is a black …
Reasons To Love The Dark Skin You’re Born With
Inspired by a post from the Isolation Journals newsletter. Last Sunday, I read a beautiful piece from the Isolation Journals newsletter. Nikita Gill, a contributor to the newsletter, wrote, “Reasons to Live Through the Apocalypse”. After reading this lovely piece, I was inspired to write lists about why I love my dark skin. I hope you’re …
The Violence We Silently Endure As Black Women
When you’re a black woman, sometimes protecting someone you love takes over your pain. Leave him, I begged. A few years ago, I lived in a tiny apartment next to a young couple. They were black and in their late 20s. They were always fighting. For one year, I heard the woman’s screams, her pleadings, …
‘Which Books Do You Pull From Your Bookshelf and Read Again Whenever Racial Discrimination Makes You Feel Like You’re Falling Into a Black Hole?’
An answer to a subscriber’s question. Today I’m answering a subscriber’s question I received this week. Here’s my answer to, ‘Which books do you pull from your bookshelf and read again whenever racial discrimination makes you feel like you’re falling into a black hole?’ Before I became a writer, I read a lot. After I …
This Precious Dark Skin, my new newsletter
Hi friends, Just wanted to let you know I’m super excited to create a newsletter for my black women stories. I named my newsletter, This Precious Dark Skin. A fitting name for a black woman’s skin, which is precious. Here’s my first post: The ‘Confidence Gap’ Continues Keeping Black Women Away From Professional Advancement If …
Your Definitive Guide to Dealing With Emotions Before They Get The Better of You
You can learn to take your emotional temperature and deal with your emotions. I regret every action I took when uncontrollable emotions enslaved me. Last week, someone standing behind me in a supermarket said something awful to me and I stood there, powerless and hurt. I wanted to smack this stranger who watched me with …
Black Girls Deserve To Be Children
They deserve to rest and play, justice and equality, safety and opportunity, and protection. A friend of mine sent me a link to a New York Times article with a headline, ‘No Time to be a Child’. Until I read this article I didn’t realize it was possible for my heart to break more than …
9 Red Flags In Relationships
Nobody can bulletproof a relationship because bullets come from the outside and things that shatter a relationship come from the inside. Casually thrown hurtful words Words are like bullets. Once you pull the trigger, you can’t take them back. You can express remorse or say you are sorry, but that is not the same. We …
7 Better Questions to Ask People That Go Deeper Than ‘How Are You?’
On how to have deep conversations – not just exchange pleasantries. Put yourself in a moment where you were not fine. Maybe you were terrible, and maybe you were too good to be true. And you said, “I’m fine. Thank you.” Put yourself back in that moment when you lied. Why did you do it? …