“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha

When a child tries to walk for the first time, parents watch their child trying to stand on its feet. They wait every day until the day comes when the child can do the art of walking all by himself/herself.

All healthy children develop this innate desire to stand on their own feet. They do so not at once but after many trials. At their first trial, they fall on the ground gracelessly.

They laugh at their attempt. They enjoy the ground they fall on — rolling on it forward and backward — as if it is not the thing that made them fall. But then, they try again to stand. Rather clumsily. They move away from hands that try to hold them. They refuse support. They want to stand on themselves.

Eventually, they do.

We grow forgetting our inner child. The one who tries, again and again, to stand on its feet. The one who refuses to give up. The one who laughs at its graceless fall. The one who tries to do hard things –like standing on one’s feet for the first time — without the help of a parent. The one who enjoys the ride. The one who doesn’t complain.

The one who refuses to give up until he/she starts to see the world above the ground.

Even if my mother loves me, I know that I have to be there for myself. I need to do the work of forgiving myself. For the mistakes, I made and for carrying heavy burdens for so long.

Even if my boss believes in me, I know that I have to do the work myself. I have to show up and do the actual work. Every single day. Whether I have the approval of others, I have to stand by myself every second of every day.

Even if my ex has hurt me, I have to let go and move on. I am the only one who can do that hard job. If I have been neglecting myself for quite some time, I have to return to myself. I have to show compassion to myself. No person who loves me can give me what I need — without first giving love to myself.

Even if I have made lots of mistakes and I’m unable to detect the exact reasons for many of my failures, I know that I must learn from those mistakes. I must learn to stop poking at the past — as the little child in me did when she tried to stand on her feet.

I must try again and again. Like the little girl did — in spite of the many failures she encountered. When she tried to do one thing — i.e. stand on her feet for the first time.

For some reason, we forget this fact:

We have to do hard things others can’t do for us.

The way we perceive life when we were a child becomes completely different when we become adults.

As a child, we faced any challenge that was on our way as this thing that we have to conquer. Without waiting for our parents to help us. Yes, they were there for us. They supported us. But we were the ones who did the actual work. Like standing on our feet. Like speaking our first words. Like writing on paper for the first time. Like figuring out how to play that game our parents bought for our birthday.

As an adult, we see any challenge we face as an enemy. That is there to attack us. Or worse, we expect others to take care of the challenge we are facing. And we sit on our couch ‘waiting…’ while the problem we are facing is piling up.

If only we actively remember our inner child. We would be unstoppable. We would do the hard things without batting an eye. We would do the same thing tomorrow. We would see this norm not as an exception but as an ordinary thing that we do to live fiercely.

If only.

Waiting for someone to do your work. Expecting someone to pick you up when you fall. Looking for someone to love you — when you don’t love yourself. Waiting for forgiveness — when you have not forgiven yourself. Waiting for your friend to tell you that you can recover from your failures.

What we don’t realize is that the issue is with us. Not with the outside world. We have to stand on our feet. We should not expect somebody else to hold our hand and keep on holding it.

We should not bank on the notion of others doing the hard work that we need to do ourselves.

There is no other way to go forward.

You must learn to count on the fact that you are the only one who must do the hard work for you.

And the way to do this is — to show up for yourself and do the work, every day. To forgive yourself. To learn from your mistakes. To be there for yourself. To love yourself. To permit yourself — to be whomever you want to be. To try and fail. To try again. To start again.

Like you did when you were a child.

To your inspirations,

Banchi