Good relationships are consciously designed.

“Forever” is built on a million little “now’s”

Relationships are built when you value what it is rather than what you imagine it to be. There is love in your silly attempts to make things better when all you imagine and wish for is grasslands and green pastures.

You work on your relationship today rather than hoping it will be different tomorrow.

Your picture of “forever” changes when your partner annoys you. And this is not how you pictured “forever” to look like. You just came home after a long, tiresome day. In your “forever”, you can get rest and sleep peacefully the moment you want to.

But he welcomes you into an unexpected argument that you wish to avoid.

You begin thinking …. “Forever does not look like this.”

But you choose to act on your “now”.

You remain patient. There is love in your willingness to listen as he rants his frustrations. There is love in your every effort you take to not act out of your desire to ignore everything and just go to sleep.

“Forever” does not build your relationships. Your commitment does. The action you choose to take on “now” does.

When something is important, you make the effort.

I have two jobs, so I work on weekends as well. And my partner has a free day on Sunday only. Both of us are busy but we take the time to eat lunch a couple of times a week. Every week.

We work in opposite directions of the city. So, we meet at a central point where we can have our lunch.

Investing in the relationship is worth the difficulty of passing through traffic jams at noon and getting back to my workplace in time.

If you love someone, you make the effort now — not some vague day that does not exist on the calendar. Love would punch out of everything you do. Your action would reflect your love.

You work at the love and the love gets better.

Listening by choosing to close your mouth shut. Scheduling time to talk to your love. The walks. The cup of tea you share. The long lunch you indulge in. Sacrificing your time at work to go home and prepare dinner before he comes home. Choosing to treat your partner with respect and kindness even though you know deep in your heart that you are right and he is wrong.

We often let our love die. Because we wish that our boat can get to the shore without our participation. Because our thinking of “forever” looks like rainbows and streamlined rivers and it disregards the act of loving day-to-day.

The “now” does not always have happy greetings and hugs.

But ….

You plant your feet and stand rooted in your relationship by your commitment.

The commitment you make in your present day.

There is a commitment in your relationship when you put effort today rather than wait for the storm to pass. There is a commitment on your part when you put your relationship first and you next. There is a commitment in your relationship when you choose to do the right thing even though you are deeply hurt.

There is a commitment in your relationship when you initiate conversations every day to murder the silence that is shadowing your relationship.

There is a commitment in his acceptance of you through the relentless exchange of words. Even though unbridled and untamed words have come out of your mouth, he chooses to say,

“Maybe she is right. I have never been in her shoes. I guess I am just being judgmental. I should stop contradicting her. Let me just stop.”

There is a commitment in your choice to focus on the person and not the action.

“I just called him names because he has hurt me. But deep inside, I know him. I love him. I know him better than I know what he does now.”

When everything is alright, love trumps. But your relationship boat can reach the shore only when you keep rowing even through the storm.

Here is where your relationship is tested. Are you consciously building it — through the good and the bad times? Or, are you made of fantasy?

Bowing out is not even a question for those of us who are committed. No matter what the storm brings. We are not going to get different allowances just because we are in love. We cannot love from a safe distance.

When disagreements escalate. When the storm strikes. When disaster barges in. When feelings of frustrations are consuming us.

Here is where we keep our boat from being blown away by the storm. We are not willing to walk away from our relationship. We don’t look for the scapegoat.

We stay and do the damn work of building our relationship — especially when the storm is lurking outside. We don’t waltz away with the currents of emotion.

We keep on rowing our boat even when it is unstable.

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To your inspirations,

Banchi