Written by Banchi

Ever end up frustrated after a conversation with someone because you didn’t feel like you communicated as well as you would have liked? Ever walk away from a conversation asking yourself what just happened?

Assertive communication is a style of communication that greatly enhances our effectiveness with others and produces the most positive outcomes.

Much of our communication is non-verbal. A person with an assertive communication style has a body language that conveys openness and receptiveness. Posture is upright, movements are fluid and relaxed, tone of voice is clear and with inflection. An assertive person makes good eye contact.

When giving opinions, an assertive person is willing to express his opinion, and also is open to hearing other’s points of view. He is direct, but NOT argumentative or threatening. He does not use sarcasm or gossip as a way to communicate. He does not silently sit back out of fear of not being liked.

When an assertive person receives feedback from others, he is able to listen and accept what the other person has to say, even if he doesn’t agree. Many people have a hard time receiving feedback, even it is a positive thing.

How many times has someone paid you a compliment and you simply dismiss it, or minimize it rather than hearing it and simply saying ‘thanks’!?

We don’t like to hear negative feedback, but an assertive person does not react to criticism by COUNTER–ATTACKING, DENYING, or FEELING ANXIOUS or INADEQUATE. An assertive person makes conscious choices about how to respond the criticism.

That person may ask for clarification to make sure that he/she is really hearing what the other person is saying. He/ she can then validate the others’ feelings, without necessarily agreeing with the person’s feedback.

An assertive person goes further —

He uses non-verbal assertive communication as well.

The first thing that an assertive person does for a non-verbal assertive communication is to listen to what is being said to him. When you listen to people, you let them know that you understand what they’re saying. Second, you allow people to know that you understand what they are trying to say to you.

When it comes to non-verbal assertive communication, you must keep in mind that understanding someone is different from agreeing with them. Someone could be telling you something that you will NEVER AGREE WITH, but you can still use assertive listening to show them that you’re paying attention to what they’re saying.

There are a lot of ways that you make mistakes in your communications. There are bad signals that you use consciously or unconsciously with those you come in contact with. Some of these things might include little eye contact, gestures which make you seem nervous or slouching.

If you behave in any of these ways, people will question the sincerity of anything you say and you will find it difficult to build strong relationships.

So, it is VERY IMPORTANT to always be in control of your non-verbal communication, and ALWAYS BE ASSERTIVE.

Assertiveness can enhance the following:

• Enhance self-esteem,
• Minimize stress,
• Gives a sense of control,
• Improve interpersonal relationships,
• Reduce conflicts/anxiety,
• Treat others respectfully.

To Your Inspiration,

Banchi