Lesson from the unforgettable painful emotions recovery advice my grandfather gave me.

Have you ever wished to expel the demons your painful emotions create in your body? Have you ever wished to shine a light on your painful emotions? Have you ever wished to enter into the room where you’ve locked your painful emotions and look them in the eye, instead of flipping the room’s light off? Have you ever wished to look within your painful emotions, instead of recoiling and burying yourself away from them?

When my cheating boyfriend dumped me, after 3 years, I woke up, alone in an empty apartment. My heart, at 27, could not handle the betrayal. It bruised and bled and shriveled up an incremental bit by incremental bit.

I lied on my bed for weeks, painful emotions crawling under my skin, and shaking. I asked my empty bedroom, “Is someone ripping my guts out?”

I refused to cry over a cheating boyfriend.

I put an imaginary key to my heart and locked the pain inside.

After three months of locking my pain inside my heart, I doubled over in pain. I am not referring to a sudden onslaught of sadness. I am talking about physical pain, a pressure that went from my chest to my back up my neck.

I thought “I’m having a heart attack,” I considered alerting someone but decided to visit my wise grandfather instead.

When he asked me to talk, I told him I wanted to spend time with him. We walked through the countryside, without having heart-to-heart talks like we used to.

I continued recoiling and burying myself away from my pain.

That’s when my beloved grandfather gave me an unforgettable piece of advice:

“When you were a tiny, tottering, and intrepid toddler, your piercing wails pierced our ears. When you bumped your head or we snatched your toy or you did not get what you wanted, you cried.

You allowed yourself to cry. You gave yourself the opportunity to process your emotions, without judging yourself.

In little time, you got up and moved on.”

What an unforgettable painful emotions recovery advice.

My grandfather advised me to face my unbearable pain. He told me, if I didn’t process my painful emotions, my unprocessed emotions will bottle up inside of me and turn into frustration, anger, irritation – one day perhaps erupting with aggression.

You do not heal when you flip the light off your painful emotions.

When hurt, sadness, rejection, or, betrayal hit your chest, the knee-jerk reaction is often to recoil and bury yourself away from them.

You do not heal when you flip the light off your painful emotions. You bleed. You hurt all the way to the bone. That deep ache swells deep in your chest.

Like a knife continually poking your wounded heart, you continue to suffer. The glazing power of the sun does not reach you, even when it shines right above you in the sky. You suffer when you expect and wait for your painful emotions to fade away into thin air.

They don’t.

They creep up your spine like an army of spiders.

You will double over in pain. Because you carry a ticking time bomb, your painful emotions.

They are prisoned inside your red, beating heart, and dying to come out and breathe fresh air. Unless you free them, you carry explosive, incendiary emotions.

The only medicine appropriate to give your painful emotions is your unwavering, unjudging, and fiercely loving presence.

Deep down inside, you don’t want anyone to see you cry. You bury your hurt, sadness, rejection, and betrayal. Allowing others to see you cry is choosing to be vulnerable in a world that seems to tell us to toughen up, to be invulnerable.

Allowing others to see you cry is letting go of control and self-image in a world we perceive as controlling and image-obsessed.

Allowing others to see you cry feels…unsafe.

But you don’t heal without cracking your heart.

Even if facing your painful emotions cuts deep, step forward and into them. Look within the painful emotions, instead of averting your eyes.

Cry, even if you don’t want others to see you cry. Allow the hurt, the sadness, the rejection, and the betrayal to pass through your heart.

Open your heart until you hear it crack.

To heal, give yourself the most difficult gift, your unwavering, unjudging, and fiercely loving presence.

Perhaps you fear the emotional intensity of losing control and appearing helpless. Perhaps you assume your painful emotions have broken you beyond repair. Perhaps you believe you have lost your center.

Maybe you have, my dear.

But.

If you allow yourself to go through your painful emotions, you will find a stable ground, perhaps even higher ground, on the other side.

Process painful emotions, without judging yourself, to love. To feel empathy, sympathy, and compassion for others. To participate fully in the emotional grandeur and poignancy of life. To lend your heart to those around you. To face and take on the intensity of love, loss, and the whole glorious gamut of human emotions in between.

“The cure for the pain is in the pain.” –Rumi

You’re not supposed to flip the light off your painful emotions. You’re supposed to flip the light on and enter the dark room. You’re supposed to feel the hurt, even if your heart cracks in its entirety.

You’re supposed to act like children act when it comes to your painful emotions.

The little child who allows her emotions to pass through. The little child who never, ever allows painful emotions to bottle up inside of her.

The little child, who in little time, gets up and moves on.