Lasting love allows you to get rid of the mask.

A rock was weighing on my soul for the past few days. No light and a twinkle in my eyes. All because a colleague stole my idea and presented it to my boss. I curled up like a fetus and sobbed uncontrollably. My partner drew me in and embraced me. I felt naked, psychologically speaking. Like I was weak for letting my emotions get the best of me. Like there was nothing to hold me up.

He accepts moody me. He does not judge me for feeling like crap and never wanting to leave the house.

The feeling of being allowed to feel — whatever you are feeling in the moment — is like a rebirth. It is cathartic. After a few days, I was free. I was me again. Whole. Light. Weightless.

Sometimes you want to shout out to the world “I am a complete mess.” And you know what? You are fine with that. You are far from perfect. You’re human. Sometimes you are fighting demons within, only you can see.

Lasting love lets you be. Lets you accept the fact that some days there is a twinkle in your eyes and others, a rock weighing on your soul. Sometimes you won’t be happy and everything will suck. Sometimes all your light and shining talent will desert you and darkness creeps in their place. There are times when you’re not okay. When you are suddenly filled with a painfully low sense of self-esteem.

The beauty of lasting love lies in its imperfection. It doesn’t look tacky. It is there. It is a reflection of what two people see in each other. And themselves.

Lasting love allows you to get rid of the mask. Lets you see words that weren’t spoken. Lets the tears stream down your face because it is allowing you to not pretend you are fine.

It lets every single fathomless crevice of your being illuminated by the light of your love.

Lasting love is not just the idea of love at first sight.

In lasting love, saying “I love you” or not saying it, in the end won’t make a big difference one way or the other. If you are doing your job right, your significant other will comfortably know already. Saying it will simply be a bonus. The words have far less meaning than the things that happen in between.

The thing you learn in a relationship is that you constantly make promises you cannot deliver. You assure people you won’t ever leave them. You invoke the word “forever”. But lasting love does not depend on this fleeting thing called feelings. Every time you forget feelings are fleeting, any vow you make is likely to make a liar out of you.

Lasting love is not just the idea of love at first sight. It does not believe in a soul mate or your other half. It is not about looking for something that doesn’t exist. It is about dedicating yourself to building the relationship you have on your hands.

Something of care and dedication is transmitted into your relationship. The result is an explosion of love, a shiver of pleasure down your spine even when things go south. You weather your partner at their worst.

Lasting love lets you argue over the issue rather than attack the person.

In lasting love, winning an argument with your love is not the thing you excel at. It is a thing you enjoy surrendering. Because winning an argument with anyone who is important to you is astoundingly shortsighted.

During the heat of the battle, as arrows pour down, one of you chooses to slow down and be patient. When you are concerned about the abuses and accusations, one of you chooses to focus on the person and not the action.

You don’t test the solidity of your relationship by trying to see who wins when you fight. So you argue over the issue rather than attack the person.

Lasting love has a routine that includes both independence from each other and activities that involve you both.

Such kind of love does not depend on giving yourself over to someone and call it “love”. That is codependency and it’s unhealthy and it is painful as hell. No one is better equipped at taking care of you and looking out for you and loving you than you.

In lasting love, you don’t say “here, this is my life. You can just take it.” You create a routine for both of you.

Separately and together. Double points if it is productive.

Like my partner and I clean the whole house in a few hours when we do it together.

Triple points if it requires teamwork.

Like what my boyfriend and I did last weekend. We went out of the city to pinch a new idea and find new clients for a new product line. While he was driving, I was preparing PowerPoint Slides and asking him questions on what to add. Halfway along the way, I was driving and he was finalizing his notes on his marketing strategy.

In lasting love, there is no diminishing one another.

You want the result of who you are together to be something that expands both of you. You are in an arrangement where you both grow, learn –stretch instead of wither. You want a fellow explorer who does not become a stranger who watches TV next to you on your couch.

In lasting love, you don’t arrive at a place where you walk around feeling invisible — or for you to walk around feeling undesired. You both deserve better than that. You want someone with his own passions, compulsions, pursuits, and interests because you need time alone, to process, to write, to hang out with friends.

Like I do when I write. I want to be alone and without any disturbance. Even from him. That does not mean I don’t want to be with him. It means I have my own passion and routine and he has his. We don’t have to do everything together. I want him to have his life and for me to have mine with the added joy of being interested in the life of the other.

I am unfailingly interested in him and what he wants to achieve in life. But I am not interested in many things he is interested in like his love of football and his impatience for not being able to sit down for a few hours while I give training’s.

But I understand him. He understands me. If this sounds to you like what I want is the opposite of commitment, then you misunderstand me. I am loyal and solid and for real and will be there for him and come through for him in more ways than you can imagine.

I don’t believe commitment has to mean detention, confinement, obligation or a burden.

I don’t have one foot out the door. Nor does he.

I want to be free to go do whatever. I want him to feel free to go do whatever. This kind of love appears believable. It is steady. Efficient. Natural. An outsider would see it and think it is true.

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To your inspirations,

Banchi