Yesterday, I received the above inspirational tip in my Inbox from one of my favorite motivational speakers Mike Dooley who sends inspirational notes to his email subscribers.

Have you ever thought of changing a person because you don’t like his behavior?

Have you ever felt that it is your responsibility to change a person’s attitude because it is affecting you in ways that you could not have imagined?

Have you ever tried to change someone’s opinion like your life depends on it?

Have you ever wished someone would want the same thing you want?

I am here to tell you the truth. You cannot change someone. You can only change yourself.

Remind yourself that just because you are in a relationship with someone or you are working side by side with someone does not mean that you have the key to their ideas and emotions.

If there is a person who is always negative and complaining in your office and you are thinking of changing this person to your way of thinking —-

Don’t.

You can talk. You can speak up. You can share your ideas. You can show that person the advantages of being positive through your actions. You can repeatedly try to teach your ways.

But at the end of the day, that person is the only one who has to decide who he wants to be and what kind of a person he wants to be.

So, wishing to change someone in any level is foolish and a waste of our precious time and energy.

This isn’t a matter of opinion. There’s research behind it. And what it concludes is unequivocal ——

Here is what Psychology Today says about Change:

“Deep change is hard. Asking someone to go against what they have learned their entire life is an impossible task. To abandon their values and principles may bring on a sadness related to loss, or an anxiety related to adopting new and unfamiliar territory. We can attest that it is hard enough to change someone; it is oftentimes impossible that it is like changing an entire army.”

The last sentence ought to be repeated:

Changing someone is like changing an entire army.

One of life’s hardest lessons to learn is that you can only change yourself.

We all spend so much time and energy upset, angry or frustrated by other people’s thoughts and behaviors.

But to what end?

Just like you cannot change the direction of the wind or the weather, there’s not a whole lot you can do about someone’s thoughts and behaviors.

Why should we, by default, believe we can change another person?

If we think about it and really give it a conscious thought, we would know that what we are believing and wishing is kind of ridiculous.

Yet we don’t think about it when we have an emotional reaction to someone’s behavior or words.

We react in this way because we forget that we cannot change others and mainly because our emotions are a part of our innate decision-making skills.

We react and respond emotionally to emotional needs of our own, rather than face the truth.

We cannot change others. We can only change ourselves.

So, save yourself from this emotional drama that is killing every of your cells by wasting them on something that could never be achieved.

Save yourself some frustration today and stop trying to change others.

Focus instead on changing your own faults and you may find yourself living a happier and more peaceful life.

Decide, once and for all, that you can only change yourself and NOTothers. And that, no matter what, you will stop trying to change others. This is one of most essential things you can do for yourself, my friend.

You just have to be conscious and practice.

I leave you with these inspirational quotes about ‘Change’:

“Let go of trying to change someone. Living as a positive example creates positive changes in those around you.” Eileen Anglin

“One day he’ll realize he is and was wrong. But that’s for him to figure out. You can’t change people or make them realize things they don’t want to see.” Dominic Riccitello

To Your Inspirations,

Banchi