It starts with you trying to have the last word, a single sentence was thrown out there to attack that person or a verbal attack that has the intention of making you feel good about yourself and the other person bad.

Out of this intention, an argument is born.

You forget that the other person may have a point. You forget that person is important to you. You forget that winning an argument over someone that you care about is really short-sighted. You forget that you cannot take back the words that you have spoken out of spite or anger.

You forget that you can only change yourself and cannot change others.

In what seems like an instant, your ego has taken full control of you and you are his servant.

I could say that person is responsible for making me feel this way. For provoking me into an argument. For daring me into verbal fights. For putting me in this position.

But all of that would just be a lie. An excuse.

It is simply me avoiding the truth.

It is not that person who made me into a person who must have the last word. It is not that person’s fault who made me good at arguments. It is not the fault of any external source who made me decide to argue and argue as if my life depends on it.

In my desire to come out a winner in all my arguments, I lose sight of what is truly important and get lost in the useless and unworthy arguments.

I get sucked back into this urge from my ego to argue with this person who is having an opinion that I do not even understand. At the moment I forget that arguing with this person is pointless and has no meaning whatsoever to my life. It does not add anything to my life and yet I find myself doing it because it has become a habit and I don’t even know that I am doing it until after it has happened.

Really arguing with others is “boring”.

Rather than upholding myself to the highest standard, I put myself willingly into the whims of others. Again and again.

When you don’t agree with something, say “I don’t agree”. People will respect you. If they don’t, it is their prerogative. It has nothing to do with you.

When I am with someone and he/she is not going to listen to me and more importantly if he/she has the intention of getting me into an argument, I don’t fix the situation by getting into the box.

I mean, don’t get me wrong – I would love to fight and make my points across and convince every one of my points.

“But it is not possible to make others see the world as you see it. It is not fair to expect this from others.”

So, I issue a command as clear as day to my heart –stop it with this short-sighted argument. Stop giving in to your ego.

Every time I am tempted to put myself into the middle of an argument, I ask myself:

“Tell me. If you win but it feels like you’ve lost something of bigger value, does that count as a win?” Dushka Zapata

So I offer to you one of the most important things that I practice, like a mantra.

——–that the best argument you can make is no argument at all.

My favorite author in communications Dale Carnegie has written about arguments in his bestseller book ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’:

“I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument — and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.”

Check out my articles: Assertive Communication and Choose Your Battles

To your inspirations,

Banchi