Or with terrible writing advice.

“You’re a terrible writer! You should stop writing!”

A friend of mine received that advice in her inbox last week.

A stranger has formed the strongest opinion about my friend. Her simple existence on the internet is offending this guy deeply. She has never even shared the same air with him, and yet he made it his business to send her the worst kind of feedback.

If not her, then this guy would find another writer he would bitch about.

Engaging with people who send the worst kind of feedback would not change their hearts. Plus, why would we engage with those who let their tongues loose, especially on the internet, on our creativity – on whatever we put our souls into?

Let us get one thing clear: saying “you’re a terrible writer” is not constructive feedback.

My friend started writing and publishing her pieces on the internet a year ago. After she received that email, she walks into her creativity room with one foot in and the other hesitates at the door. The negative comment she received is making her stand in the way of her creativity.

She is on the verge of giving up on writing.

While I was thinking of words to encourage my friend to continue writing, a newsletter from Roxane Gay popped up in my inbox.

https://audacity.substack.com/p/feedback-loops

Someone on the internet emailed Roxane and said she is bad at writing.

Can you believe it?

I don’t know how someone could say Roxane is bad at writing unless they have not read her engrossing and page-turner books, unless they want credit for making someone quit something they love.

I wish some people would stop making it their life mission to destroy someone’s dream. I wish they would refrain from sending an email that causes a terrible headache in the recipient.

Last year, I read Hunger and An Untamed State by Roxane Gay. Saying I loved reading these books is an understatement. I forgot what time it was, where I was, and what I was supposed to do later on that Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. While reading the memoir Hunger, I had to dry my tears many times. I gave this book as a gift to friends and recommended it not just for the haunting story but also for the writing. Those lovely paragraphs on every page, those lovely sentences with reiterations where Roxane brings into focus her world for readers layer by layer. Beautiful.

I’m not an experienced writer like Roxane. I picked up my pen and started writing in mid-2018.

But I’ve learned those who say, “You’re a terrible writer” or that you are bad at writing are not giving me constructive advice. These people do not deserve my time and attention. If I’m not careful, even after four years of writing and publishing 500+ articles and personal essays on the internet, someone could steal my confidence as a writer.

I know some friends who received, “you’re a terrible writer!” comments and stopped writing. These comments became terrifying voices that shoved their dreams of writing in a box never to be opened again.

Words hurt.

I wish some people weigh their words carefully before sending them on the internet. I wish they think before sending words that can hurt someone forever. Words that stomp on your writing dreams hurt.

So do rejections.

When editors and publishers reject your pieces, you feel torn from the inside. Like your heart is bruised and bleeding and shriveling up an incremental bit by incremental bit. It feels like someone has ripped your guts out.

But.

I’ve learned to handle my frustrations. Rejections are part of the creativity process. Take them as a distant relative you hate who knocks on your front door intending to stay in your home for a few days without giving you any prior notice. This distant relative will shock you when he barges into your home even when you’ve mastered your craft.

I’ve learned you’re bound to anger some white folks who want to shut you up when you’re a black woman writer. I’ve learned it’s not worth responding to those who have personal prejudices toward black people. To those who don’t want to hear racism still prevails. To those who only wish to ridicule our lived experiences. Writing a poison cocktail of words to vent at these kinds of people does not bring any kind of change. It only raises our blood pressure to the roof.

While not every writing advice is out to get you, there are quite a few that are.

A few months back, I subscribed to a site that gives writing advice to its subscribers. After four years of writing and publishing online, I still want to learn more about writing. Except, reading the email the website sent me caused me a terrible headache. The whole point of the email was to push writers to live off their creativity.

After reading the email, I felt like the writer of the email barged into my room, pointed at me, and shouted, “You’re not a writer if you do not exclusively live off your creativity!” I saw my head going down, my spirits going down.

Even though I didn’t want them to, doubt and insecurity breathed down my neck. 

There’s a ton of terrible advice out there about writing.

When I say terrible writing advice, I’m referring to an advice that doesn’t work for every writer. Some writers try to make you follow their rigid advice. You’re on your favorite social media writer’s page, and this amazing writing advice pops up. The advice guarantees that if you follow it, you will be a successful writer, no matter what.

Here’re a few terrible pieces of writing advice I read on the internet and my writing friends told me:

. I’m not a writer or a legitimate one if I don’t have aspirations to make millions out of my articles

. I’m not a legitimate writer if I’m not living off my creativity

. I’m not a successful writer if I am currently working for someone else

. I have to write every day

. Writing is a form of torture

. Writing a single article shouldn’t take more than an hour

According to the writing advice I received in my email, I’m not a legitimate writer because I’m not living off my creativity. There are a million reasons a person can be driven to create, but anytime we put money pressure on it, we run a terrible risk. The risk of crushing our creativity to its devastating death. This is the worst thing I can imagine: the death of my creativity. Don’t get me wrong. It is incredibly powerful to earn money from doing something you love. But I also think about writers who flamed out because the pressure of monetizing their writing took so much of the joy out of it.

I never want that for my writing.

But this is just an opinion.

My opinion.

Maybe for some writers, to live off their creativity is great advice. But for others, it’s a terrible advice. I have a friend who drove herself broke and crazy because of this insistence that she is not a legitimate writer unless she can exclusively live off her creativity.

As writers, we need emotional stability.

We need our minds and heart to create something wonderful and exciting.

As a writer, I have applied some wonderful writing advice and seen good results. I’ve also applied terrible writing advice and felt like I was banging my head against a wall, instead of walking through an open door. I’m all for sharing what writing advice worked and what is still working for writers. But there’s a difference between giving our advice as a guide and just blindly telling writers to follow our advice.

Writing matters to me.

I would do anything to protect it, even from a great writing advice that isn’t great for me.

I hope you find writing advice that works for you.

I hope you write because you cannot NOT write. It’s love of writing that gives you fuel. Energy. A push forward – especially when the path is full of hurdles.

I hope you write because writing matters to you. I hope you don’t let anyone – even someone you love – lead you off a cliff where you drop your writing dreams.

I hope you become a caveman at heart when someone threatens your writing. If friends tell you writing is not a skill, I hope you fiercely defend your writing. Tell your friends you’re honing your skills as a writer just like one of your friends is learning to speak on a public platform. 

Like Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Big Magic, I hope you’re more curious than you’re frightened of creating. Curious to see what you can write and who you will be after your creation.

I hope you know that you don’t need a certificate to become creatively legitimate. Some aspiring writers I know are waiting until they finish their writing courses to write. But why wait? Why wait to start practicing your craft? A creativity certificate does not mean anything if you are not working on your craft.

I hope you know you don’t need anybody’s permission to write. You only need your permission.

I hope you write happily, never resentfully. It is like joy rising from deep inside you. If you’re writing and you like it, even in the form of a barely recognizable glimmer of joy, I hope you don’t let go of it.