On how to have deep conversations — not just exchange pleasantries.

Put yourself in a moment where you were not fine. Maybe you were terrible, and maybe you were too good to be true. And you said, “I’m fine. Thank you.” Put yourself back in that moment when you lied. Why did you do it? Whose feelings were you trying to save? Write what you wish you would have said, and imagine where that honest conversation could have led you.

“How are you?” is a question we ask without intention and answer with white lies even when we are at a friend’s funeral.

When a terrible car accident instantly killed my friend, the wave of grief that settled over me was like a cloud threatening to steal every last ounce of oxygen from my lungs. When I watched the men from the funeral home wrap up my friend’s body and take it away, I doubled over in pain. The pressure of the physical pain went from my chest to my back and up my neck. I crumbled on the dusty floor feeling like something was crawling under my skin.

I took an 81 milligram aspirin and faced that awful day — her funeral.

Friends and family members did not help. They asked empty questions. I nodded my head and lied, “I’m fine.” to their “How are you?”

I’m at my friend’s funeral and they ask me if I am fine.

We need to ask better questions if we’re looking for honest answers. I say this not just because I’m grieving a dear friend’s sudden loss, but because of the pandemic’s hellish nightmare all of us are going through right now.

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To your inspiration,

Banchi